What Is Wrong With Me (mentally)?
Posted by adminHi, I’ll be brief as I can, but I have a lot to say.
I have been depressed a lot lately. Being 21, I have lots of opportunities at my door. I recently opened a small internet store 2 months ago, which has, so far, turned out to be quite successful, thanks to my business partner. I also started University this year, hopefully to major in business. But, I cannot progress. I am in a rut. So, I decided to assess myself by writing out what I can pick out that makes me depressed:
1. I can’t focus. I just recently started university, only to not do the required essays on time, which is crucial to pass the courses. I try to sit down to do them, and then become easily distracted by everything. I try to disconnect myself from the world to complete these assignments, and my mind still wanders. I just can’t seem to organize myself, or generally focus on the task at hand.
2. I am incompetent on completing tasks for my business, friends, and everyday life. I only do things out of personal pleasure; not because I’m lazy, because I’m not interested.
3. I panic and worry too much. These tasks pile up. And make me worry. I worry so much I can’t get stuff done because I’m worried. So I pull my hair (which is leading to balding, accelerating male pattern baldness), pick my skin (face, other body imperfections, etc.), and dwell upon thoughts or situations where I don’t have power to control. In fact, it has gotten to the point where I ruined a friendship, possibly relationship, with a beautiful girl I have met because she did not respond to text messages right away. I started to worry, and so I flooded her with texts on how I feel, and then I asked her to stop treating me poorly, and that she’s giving me mixed signals. This offended her and now I feel she doesn’t want to associate with me. I am obsessed about her, and there is not a reason. This is one of many examples of me worrying.
4. I am way too self conscious of myself. I look in the mirror and focus on imperfections about myself. Imperfect teeth, imperfect hairline, facial blemishes, body type (though I’m physically fit and am fairly active), etc. When I go over these imperfections, I become embarrassed of myself, and thus feel less confident when meeting new people (especially girls my age).
5. I become annoyed easily, and am a very anxious person, for no reason at all. Example: When my dad asks me to do something for him, sometimes I get very annoyed — to the point I get anxiety — not an attack, just very defensive. Or when customers ask for details on their orders. I get pissed off at them. When I am demanded or asked to do something, I get annoyed.
I feel like my life is a crumpled up ball of paper. Distressed, tired, worried, anxious, depressed. I don’t know why.
Deep inside I’m a great person, people tell me I’m nice. I try to do good. I just am really, really depressed.
I know there are plenty of psychologists (or at least, people who are good at analyzing; yahoo answers rocks!) that browse through here, and any opinions can help.
Or, maybe one can suggest who I should see to help me cope through these problems. Or perhaps recommend a treatment, herbal, or not.
I’m pouring out my heart here. I appreciate anyone sitting through and listening to this story.
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